What does it mean to be a “good” mother?

When we think of the ideal of a “good mother” we attribute phrases such as nurturing, kind, tender, supportive, warm, caring and unconditional love.  We have sayings about a mothers’ love, mother’s milk, and a mother’s hands.  All of these phrases and sayings idealize mothers as the epitome of caring and tender-heartedness.

These are the kind of characteristics to which we all aspire and we layer them on the role of a mother.  Is this a good thing?  We want mothers to be the absolute ideal of personhood.

However, on the other hand, when a mother is a “bad mother”, we attribute to her the worst characteristics that are made ten times worse by the fact that a “mother” did it.  We use words like selfish, manipulative, meddlesome, or worse – abusive.

We put mothers on pedestals, and we expect them to be perfect.  And when they’re not, we criticize and judge.  But why is a “mother” held to a higher standard?

And when a mother is simply unable to be the image of perfection they’re held to, how do we hold this against them – or ourselves?

On the one hand, the archetypes that embody the ideals can be inspiring, uplifting, and aspirational.  On the other, when these ideals are not met, when it comes to the “mother” we tend to be less forgiving – even of ourselves.

So let’s contemplate to what standard we hold our own mothers, or to what standard we hold ourselves if we are mothers.  And how are these standards helpful or hurtful?

We know that no one is perfect, we all need help and to the extent we use this idea of motherhood as one to which we can work towards without hurting each other when we fail to achieve perfection, that might be OK.

But when we allow others to hurt us simply BECAUSE they’re our mother, or we hurt others because of the label (and all the ideas that surround it), then the ideal works against us.

And isn’t the idea that EVERYONE needs some nurturing and caring?  Let’s work towards it and not walk away from it…