What does it mean to “betray?”

Wikipedia says, “Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive social contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations. Often betrayal is the act of supporting a rival group, or it is a complete break from previously decided upon or presumed norms by one party from the others. Someone who betrays others is commonly called a traitor or betrayer.”

Let’s look at those pieces one by one.  First of all, there has to be an expectation of some sort.  One party has to believe that another party will act in a certain way.  Sometimes these behaviors are explicitly stated, but many times they are not.

So, is it a betrayal if you behave in a way that is different than what others expect of you?  What if you know of their expectations, and you don’t go along?

I received a good email response regarding the newsletter I sent on Monday that pointed out that these “betrayals” can be when one person chooses to take one life path, and we take another, and the person who didn’t make the same choice as us can’t understand our choices.

But isn’t that what various people do to us (even family members!), and claim that it is a betrayal of “Latino culture” if we don’t go along with the norm?  I see this all too frequently.  Many times, those around us often EXPECT us to settle for less than we might want for ourselves, and then try to make us feel badly as if we’re betraying THEM if we go in a different direction.

Although interesting to talk about in the abstract, this can be a painful outcome when it happens to us personally.  We may bear the brunt of receiving the title of “La Vendida” – and what name calling is nearly as painful, or cuts as close to the bone?  In English, we often hear the world “sell out.”  Let’s be more thoughtful of what this means and when and how we use these words…

Next time, we’ll discuss the conflict created in these relationships.