Perseverance Doesn’t Have to Be Hard

Sometimes perseverance means going with the flow, allowing things to unfold, and appreciating the momentum you already have.  When we makes things too difficult, sometimes we’re pushing too hard, or going against grain.  It’s OK to allow things to be easy.

As Latinas, we often believe that work has to be hard, and that we have to do more, and push ourselves just a little more.  At times, however, perseverance simply means going along with what’s working and allowing yourself to relax into the ease of the process.

Recall that the second theme of this year was finding and living your passion.  And we discussed the fact that many Powerful Latinas have said that you’ll know you’re doing the right thing precisely because it’s easy, it’s natural and it’s what you’re meant to do.

Dictionary.com tells us that perseverance means “steady, persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.” However, what if there are no difficulties or obstacles (at the moment)?  Does that mean you’re not persevering?  Not at all!

Instead, if you’re steadily moving forward and things are clicking, you can likewise see this as perseverance in that you’re still following a steady course of action.  It’s interesting to me that many women will believe if things are good then maybe it’s “too easy” and they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But what if we were simply grateful and secure in the knowing that sometimes when we’re doing things RIGHT, the taking of action doesn’t have to be that difficult after all?

I’m not saying that if things are hard you’re doing things “wrong.”  I’m only saying that we can enjoy the times when you’re in the “zone” and that we can have peace that things can still be accomplished without being so hard.

Not to worry!  There will always be difficult times and obstacles to overcome but thankfully, not all the time.  The “especially” in the definition means that perseverance at those moments is even more precious.  But perseverance can happen in the good times, too.

Make sure that you’re not struggling too much, or making your work overly complicated.  (I know that I have in my life tried to “make” things happen that just weren’t meant to be.)  It can be instructive to see which path makes the most sense and sometimes it’s the one that is the wider easier path.

And finally, don’t forget that perseverance — even when it’s hard work — can be fun!  So enjoy (!), know that you’re moving in the right direction and listen to the signals that help us to hone our intuition and make our internal antenna more receptive.

Relax, sister, and appreciate the good times!  :)

Perseverance – Examples in Nature

Everything in nature ebbs and flows.  It all has a rhythm, a method and its own timing.  Nothing goes full tilt all the time, day after day.  Waves crest, and break.  The sun rises and sets.  Plants bloom, and then are harvested or go back into a waiting period.  Even animals hibernate.

We can take a hint from nature that there is time for work, and time for rest.  Time to focus, and time to play.  Perseverance is not about going full steam all the time.  In fact, perseverance can be about sitting back and relaxing so you’re *able* to pick up and keep going tomorrow.

Perseverance is also about doing the little things, the preparation, the planning and taking small actions to move you forward.  Again, in nature, the seed has to germinate and incubate before it can sprout and grow.

As Latinas, sometimes we do TOO much; we have so many demands upon us, that it can be overwhelming and there’s always just one more thing to do…

In order to finish the race, we have to know that (per the old saying), “It’s a marathon, not a sprint.”  We’re expected to keep going, and going and going – for many years yet.  So…  If we burn ourselves out, compromise our health and overcommit, we actually only HURT our community long term instead of help the very people who are pulling on us to support them.

Latina women have family obligations which can be endless, work obligations, community obligations, and then want to enjoy friends and significant others as well.  And don’t forget we want to play!   So how to balance all these seemingly competing priorities?

As one of our wise Powerful Latina interviewees said, “You can have it all.  Just not all at once.”  That was Ramona Romero, Corporate Counsel, Logistics and Energy at DuPont.  And she’s right!  And one of the secrets is to plan the “when.”

Planning is part of the key to perseverance, and planning includes the down times, as well as the “deadlines.”  There is a benefit and a true value to taking time to reflect, plan and strategize.  When you organize the tasks, and have time to sit back, you’re less likely to get caught up in the frenzy of what needs to happen next, and really prioritize how you want to spend your time.

So in the striving to get ahead, don’t forget to take time for YOU.  We know Latinos work hard, and Latinas even more so!  So plan wisely, and take a hint from nature.  Make sure you know where you’re going, but enjoy the journey as well!

Perseverance In Our Emotions

As we grow and change and push through, the way in which we approach our emotions changes, too.  And this is important when we talk about perseverance.

The free dictionary online defines perseverance as “Steady persistence in adhering to a course of action, a belief, or a purpose; steadfastness.”  The way we approach our emotions can allow us to stick to a course of action, as opposed to being blown off track.

I don’t know about you, but in my younger days, I was easily swayed by my emotions.  I could get riled up, or upset by what I would now consider relatively “minor” things.  Perhaps someone cut me off on the road, or my girlfriend said something that I took offense to (or had to call other girlfriends to analyze), or my significant other did something that “made” me jealous or cry.

As Latinas, we get labeled as “passionate” and “spicy”.  However, in the workplace, this can be interpreted as “high strung”, “undependable” or “volatile.”

When we learn to focus and direct our emotions (because we all have strong ones!), then we can truly leverage our strengths to get us though the bad times.  Because the same things that make us stubborn, can also make us “steadfast” in another context.

As Latinas, we are *strong*!  And we can use our strengths and bring the BEST of ourselves forward when we know how.  Our emotions are a great thing when they push us forward; it’s when they hold us back that it’s a problem.

You can probably recall times in your own life when your emotions have kept you from getting things done you wanted to do.  You couldn’t focus, or whatever.  On the other hand, sometimes our emotions drive us in the best of ways – to adhere to a course of action, a belief or a purpose – no matter what.

I think Mary J. Blige did a good job in her song Reflections of giving an example of how we could get wrapped around the axle in our youth (particularly in romantic relationships), but as we grow, we know our strength is inside us.

She sings, “I used to throw a fit, I used to shed a doubt, and blame it on a man.  But that was Mary then, and this is Mary now, you gotta understand.  It’s about how we respect ourselves and the men have no control of our self esteem.  And when we can see that, then we can let go.”

Isn’t it true that when we have better control and management of our emotions, we can see the true picture and then focus on what REALLY need to get done?

She finishes up by saying, “I may not be what I’m supposed to, but I can tell you right now I ain’t what I used to be!”  Same goes for me.  Persistence will get me there, and emotions are markers.  They are important signposts, but they shouldn’t be in the driver’s seat…

Perseverance Means Getting Back Up

Perseverance doesn’t mean we don’t fall down, make mistakes or have missteps.  On the contrary, perseverance means that no matter what, we keep going.  I have bad days, get moody, and feel down.  But the important thing is to know that it doesn’t last.

But even more disappointing than a short amount of time where you’re “off your game” is a significant setback, derailment or disappointment.  I know that in this economy many have lost their jobs (including several personal friends).  I have been through divorces and breakups of other close friends (at least one that was very messy and incredibly painful).  And I know what it means to lose parents and other loved ones.

And yet…the idea of perseverance is *knowing* that things won’t always be easy and preparing for it (at least mentally).  Of course, this is easier said than done.  When things are truly terrible, there are times you simply don’t want to get out of bed in the morning.

So you have to build that support system around you when times are good.  You want to know who you are when you’re up, so that you can draw on the reserves you know you have when you’re down.  Having a mindset that is open to learning will help you re-adjust and course correct.  And so on.  The Latina Leadership Lessons we’ve been reviewing throughout the course of this year are not only about helping us when skies are blue, but preparing for when skies are gray.

Because there will be times we’re tired — just bone deep, psychologically and physically tired.  It can be a monumental effort to simply put one foot in front of the other.  We *will* experience heartbreak, turmoil and devastating disappointment.  And we will keep going.Not necessarily because we want to, feel like it or even think we can.  Rather — we’ll keep going because we *have* to — because whatever doesn’t kill us, leaves us alive to continue on.

Really, in these times simply getting back up is the victory.  It’s not about a happy movie ending, or even a “growth experience” — it’s just about  keeping on keeping on.

So remember that we all have these times; be compassionate when  someone is going through one.  It’s kind of like being sick, right?   You forget how terrible it feels and how much you take your health for granted until you’re experiencing an illness.

Know that you are COURAGEOUS just by going through this kind of thing.  And honor those around you who do so as well.  Don’t expect great heroics; simply celebrate the sincere act of getting back up.

Belief - - The First Step of Perseverance

I have a greeting card that states the five stages of accomplishment are as follows:

1) Denial: I can’t do it!,
2) Uncertainty: Maybe I can do it!,
3) Resistance: There’s no way I can do it!,
4) Panic: Aaargh! What if I can’t do it!, and finally,
5) Acceptance: All Right!  I did it!  Let’s party!

While the card is intended to be a bit of humor, I think it reflects a bit of what we often do.  When we’re called to do a thing, we often resist in some form or another.  If we actually take it on, we feel a bit of anxiety as if we’re not sure what we have gotten ourselves in to.

Interestingly, it’s not until the task is accomplished that we are often able to acknowledge that not only did we do this tremendous thing, but that yes, we must have been up to the task because somehow it got done.

How interesting is it that we often don’t have faith in ourselves until AFTER the goal has been met.  What does this teach us?  And what if we started out with faith in the beginning of the task?

First of all, maybe we are able to accomplish things much greater than we can conceive of.  Also, we may need a coach, cheerleader, or accomplice that will push us beyond what we think we can do.  (I know that in my own life, I have had many people in this role.  And thank goodness!  Otherwise, I wouldn’t be where I am!)

If we have FAITH, we can *know* that if we are called to do a great thing, that we will be given the tools to do so.

Part of this lesson is that we do not have to see the end goal — or even *believe* in the end goal — before we start!  Perseverance isn’t necessarily about having things all planned, but rather, about moving forward in the right direction.

But a key component is belief — even if not in the end goal, at least in just the next step — that what you’re doing is important, and that you’re *willing* to be called to do the job.  If you BELIEVE at the beginning in the fact that the goal is valuable and worthwhile, then you  can get through many a challenge.

Similar to a rock climber, it’s importance that you keep your eyes focused forward and up (rather than down or back), and when you get stuck, just keep moving (see prior post on this).

And sometimes it’s helpful to know that *someone* accomplished this goal with the belief that “What one person can do, another person can do.”  It’s why we enjoy success stories, and it’s part of why I share stories on the website about amazing, accomplished Powerful Latinas!

So, even if you’re in denial, find that core of belief — and take that first step toward your goal.  It might feel like you’re climbing a rock face, but think about the sense of accomplishment once you’ve reached the top!

Perseverance – Just Keep Moving

Sometimes perseverance isn’t the big things, it’s the little ones.  One foot in front of another, just another minute, only one more step, etc.

I know that some days when I’m working out and in the middle of a really intense session I can’t think about how much longer I have to complete [fill in the blank] – a round of kickboxing, holding the plank, staying in squat position on the Bosu ball, etc.  I don’t WANT to know if I have another 15 seconds, or another 30 seconds, or – heaven forbid! – 2 more minutes; I just keep going and trust I’ll make it through.

In fact, it’s best NOT to think about the “big picture” at times.  All I have to do is make it one more second; and then one second after that… 

How many of us as Latinas would have made it through childbirth if someone explained to us *precisely* what labor and delivery would entail?  No, you don’t want to think about the details; you just have to do it.  And this goes for whether you’re ready or not!  Most of the time, you don’t get to plan your labor (time, day), nor do you get to choose how long it’s going to last or how difficult it will be.

But just like with having a child, at the end, that effort pays off!  It’s well worth all the hard work (until they’re teenagers – and then you wonder….).  Seriously, though, if you’re a mother you know you would have had your sweet son or daughter (even when they’re not so sweet) no matter what price you had to pay during labor.

And this applies to all of life.  When you undertake an important project, sometimes we don’t know exactly what it will “cost” us.  This price might be paid in time, in energy, in emotional upheaval, or many other ways.  The “price” might be in lessons learned, bruises (psychological or real) endured, and relationships that shift forever.

So many times we jump in, because we know the importance of the action that needs to be taken, even when we don’t appreciate or even understand what we will go through later.

Therefore, back to the step by step analogy.  If we don’t know how big the project is – or even if we do! – it can be useful to just keep moving.  Each action, each step, each movement we make toward completion gets us that much closer.

One of the Powerful Latina interviewees, Elva Lima, Verizon’s senior executive for strategic programs for the West region, talked about getting her college degree while working full time.  She explained that, even though at times she could only take one class a semester and it seemed like reaching her goal would take forever, she just kept going.  And it paid off!  She is now a high level executive at a huge national company.

And that’s what perseverance is all about.  You don’t NEED to think about how hard the process will be; you just need to get through the next small little chunk.  Because after all, all good things take time, and nothing of value was built in a day.

As Dory from Finding Nemo said, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…”

August 2010 Recommendations

A former Simon & Schuster editor, Marcela Landres is the author of the e-book How Editors Think and specializes in helping Latinos get published.

For more information visit: www.marcelalandres.com.

	Voices of the Desert: A Novel by Nelida Pinon (Knopf) One Thousand and One Nights is ingeniously retold from Scheherazade’s point of view.
	Ruins: A Novel by Achy Obeja (Akashic) An aging Cuban’s belief in the promise of Fidel’s revolution perseveres despite all evidence to the contrary in this sympathetic and authoritative novel.

Theme of the Month — Perseverance

All year long, we’ve been talking about the various key ideas that have been gleaned from the dozens of interviews I’ve done with Powerful Latinas.  This month’s theme is all about good old-fashioned hard work, and pushing through when things get difficult.

For all of us, there are times when life — our work, our relationships, or whatever — gets to be a bit much.  It can be easy to get overwhelmed and, at times, feel like just giving up.  It’s at those moments that we should recall that we are true guerrilleras
(warriors) and that as Latinas we have a long history of not only struggle, but also triumph!

In order to be able to be able to continue moving forward when we need to, it’s important to prepare for those times when we may lack 
motivation at the *beginning* of starting a new project or endeavor.  
First of all, we need to have the belief that what we’re doing is important and worthwhile.  This allows us to come back to our foundation when our energy reserves are low.

Next, we must not fail in preparation for the action or endeavor.  
Preparation is key and helps us to avoid problems (to the extent
possible) at the outset.  Then, of course, an attitude of willingness (to ask for help, take action, move forward) will allow us to see what needs to be done and not be afraid to go there.

Finally, of course, perseverance is all about ACTION — it comes down to moving forward and doing what needs to be done in the face of it all.  Afterward, a moment of reflection allows us to see where we could do better next time, as well as appreciate what we did well so we can make sure and repeat those steps.

Perseverance is about keeping on even when we don’t feel like it, when we’re tired or when we’re not sure anyone is paying attention or it really makes a difference.  Because, of course, when we’re taking the right steps, at some point it DOES make a difference and people will notice.  Not necessarily, however, when we might wish they would.

The key is to know that there will be those difficult times, prepare for them, and work through them.  Perseverance is what marks the success stories from those who "didn’t quite" make it…

When we distinguish what are the hallmarks of "Powerful Latinas" we recognize the level of effort and simple WORK that goes into any accomplishment.  That’s not the glamorous part, but it is necessary (and very real).

At the same time, we need to make sure that if we’re going to put in the work, and exert our energy in a certain direction that it is really the right direction to be headed.  So make sure that the project that you’ve committed to makes sense for YOU.

All these themes and more will be discussed this month as we contemplate Perseverance — There’s Nothing Like It!

Don’t Take It Personally – A Simple Lesson from Wabi Sabi

A friend of mine recently introduced me to the concept of Wabi Sabi, a concept originated in Japan, that teaches us to see the beauty in imperfection.  (There’s obviously a lot more to the philosophy; however, that is a simple overview.)

We are all imperfect, and there is so much beauty and possibility in imperfection.  It is actually through the things that are NOT perfect in our lives that we learn the most.  And this goes for the imperfect people around us…

A wise Wabi Sabi teacher explained it like this.

“When we are upset, it’s easy to blame others.  The true cause of our feelings, however, is within us.  For example, imagine yourself as a glass of water.

Now, imagine past negative experiences as sediment in the bottom of your glass.  Next, think of an unpleasant situation as a spoon.

When the spoon stirs, the sediment clouds your water.  It may appear that the spoon caused the water to cloud – but if there were no sediment, the water would remain clear.

Even if we remove the spoon, our sediment still remains – lying in wait for the next spoon to appear.

On the other hand, if we remove our sediment, then no matter how a spoon may stir, our water will remain clear.”*

How differently we think about our own and others’ reactions if we can understand this simple foundational idea.

When we take things personally, we are actually reacting to the events in the PAST, and allowing them to muddy the waters.  Instead, what if we saw that our reactions come from *within* us, and the same is true for others, as well.

It is difficult, in the moment, to be clear with who we are, what is our own “stuff” and what we need to do in reaction to others’ “stuff” – and as Latinas, the boundaries can be especially blurry.

This lesson, the lesson of making sure that you don’t take in and hold things that you don’t need to, that don’t belong to you, and that you release things you want and need to let go of, is a fundamentally important one.

This one lesson – simple in its conveyance and at times seemingly impossible to enact – can bring so much peace and joy.

Make sure you’re clear about the distinction between the sediment and the spoon…

*From the book: Living Wabi Sabi: The True Beauty of Your Life by Taro Gold

Don’t Take It Personally – But What About When Others Do?

When we learn that 1) we don’t have to internalize others’ actions, and that 2) what others do don’t necessarily have anything to do with us, we may then think that we don’t have any responsibility for the way we act and how others take it.

I could write a BOOK on how intertwined Latinas become with their emotions and those close to them, so yes, I am encouraging you to pull back a little bit and get some perspective.

However, at the same time, we are all *always* responsible for our own actions, because our actions create *who we are in the world.*

So, while I would encourage you to question it when someone says, “You made me feel that way!” I would also make sure that your actions were in alignment with who you truly are.

You are not responsible for others’ interpretations.  You certainly don’t have to fall into the trap that those around you set when they try to “guilt trip” you into doing something.

The trick is to find that happy medium.  Are you really spending your time each day doing what is for your best and highest purpose?  Or are you allowing others to determine how you “should” spend your time because of THEIR wants and needs?

When it comes to the skill of being able to clearly see our boundaries (more on this in upcoming months!) and require others, as well as ourselves, to adhere to them, it’s about making sure you are true to yourself.

For example, if your mother is telling you to spend time with a certain prima because she “needs” you (and perhaps because your tia asked your mom to pressure you to do so), ask yourself:  Is this what I want to do?  Does she want my company, support and presence?  Do I have other competing concerns that might keep me from this?

If your prima is in some bad s*** and doesn’t want your help and by hanging out with her you could get YOURSELF in trouble (and lose your financial aid to go to school), then maybe this is *not* what you want to do.  Even if your mami tells you that you’ve “made” her feel terrible and you’re turning your back on your family, etc.

On the other hand, while you know that you don’t have to do something because someone else will “feel bad”, you might want to!  Maybe your prima just needs some guidance, looks up to you, and if you spent some time just listening to her and hanging out, she could see some other options.  So you choose to spend time with her because of who YOU want to be, not because you “have” to.

Hopefully, we can all learn to distinguish when our feelings are truly our own and neither take on others’ feelings, nor impose ours on those around us.

When we can have clear communication, we can actually become *closer* to the ones we love without resentment, guilt, shame or negativity.  And don’t we all just want to enjoy our families and know that what we say is what we mean, and saying “no” is ok, even to them?

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