Tie Me Up. Tie Me Down this Valentine’s Day! Find Your Passion & Release the Dominatrix

A spicy dinner, red balloons, roses, sexy music and chocolate-covered strawberries, love is definitely in air. February is the month where the cherubic winged-little person works overtime… and so do the chocolate factories.

The day is February 14 (or Dia de los Novios) and on this day Latinos are expressing their love for each other. It is also a time when many couples will try something new in the bedroom, indulging in some type of fantasy.

Many people, including Latinos, have fantasies involving role-playing, fetishes and bondage. Growing up in Hispanic, our culture has traditional roles of men being dominant and women being submissive. Why not pull a switch-a-roo and have the ladies be dominant.

BDSM (Bondage. Discipline. Sadism. Masochism) is a form of consensual role play between two or more individuals, who use their experiences of pain and power to create sexual tension, pleasure, and release.  It’s a great way to build a strong sexual foundation and a interpersonal relationship between you and your Latin lover.

As the song by the Divinyl’s goes,”It’s a fine line between pleasure and pain…you’ve done it once, you will do it again…”

An important thing to remember is that BDSM is NOT a crime. The fundamental principles of this practice require that it be performed by mature and responsible partners, of their own volition, and in a safe way.

This mutual consent makes a clear legal and ethical distinction between BDSM and crimes such as sexual assault or domestic violence.

Plus, it is always possible for one of the consenting partners to withdraw his or her consent at any time by using a “safe word” that was agreed upon in advance.

With that said, there are many ways Latinas can participate in safe, fun and very erotic BDSM adventures. You may remember the boy in the corner who purposely forgets his homework simply so the teacher will teach him a lesson, and remember that bossy girl who makes fun of the weak kids. These folks could easily grow into the kinkiest and erotically in-tune adults, and maybe one day find each other.

Once you figure out the roles, start small. Maybe one of you has some specific requests, a foot fetish or blindfolds perhaps? Someone with a foot fetish would prefer sexy shoes or boots, or someone who likes to be blindfolded may require a selection of soft eye covers.

Want to try some bondage? Then get some sexy restraints. You can get wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs that can be used to hold your partner to a chair, post, the bed etc. You can also try some silky bondage rope. Get a book on different rope tying techniques and then practice tying each other up and having your way with them.

Role-playing is another way to explore your BDSM side. Be the sexy Catholic school girl, the naughty nurse or sassy secretary and let your “Don Juan” transform into the horny fireman or police officer. The sailor and the prostitute is also a great role-playing fantasy.

Keep trying new things and explore each other and remember – have fun! Feliz Dia de los Novios.

Latina Leadership Lessons: When Do We Use Our Magic for the “Dark Side”?

You Are Magic

We’ve seen the multiple ways this month that each of us IS magic. We have magic, wield magic, and are the recipient of magic — when we turn on the lights, kiss a baby, or cook [insert your favorite Latino dish here – Enchiladas? Mofongo? Picadillo?]. Yum!

We enjoy magical emotions when we fall in love, or when we use our healing energy to support our girlfriends, sisters, lovers or family. We know the positive power of magic, as we know that each one of us is a powerful woman!

And yet… Sometimes we use our magic to hurt, instead of to heal. And those are the times that people think of to use the word “witch” – when we hurt each other.

When We Trick Instead of Treat

The power of words is enormous. I wonder how many of us use care with the words we wield when discussing those around us. Even if we’re not “gossiping” about someone behind her back, perhaps we are less than positive, and this can be harmful.

I know that I myself have been guilty of criticizing a good girlfriend when I didn’t agree with decisions she’d made in her life, overlooking the many amazing qualities about her and reminding myself that each of us gets to make the choices (and accept the consequences of those choices) for our own lives.

Although words are enormous, there are other ways in which we are less than supportive of each other. What about when you overlook the help someone needs if A) her son/daughter is sick, B) the “committee” has become a committee of one – your friend (!), or C) a coworker needs a little direction to maneuver office politics. When we don’t share what we can, then we are withholding the magic and the power we could offer.

Witch with a B

Now, I am certain that none of you make a practice of withholding or looking away when someone asks you for help, or engages in back-stabbing behavior. And yet, there are the little things that, when taken together, can comprise behavior that we’re not so proud of. Often we engage in bad behavior when we feel hurt, angry and frustrated.

It’s no fun to either be labeled a [insert label here – you know which ones you use/hate!] or to use name-calling on someone else. It all devolves very quickly. Let’s be patient with each other and with ourselves and remind ourselves of the true magic we each have.

Sweet Treats

Just telling someone how beautiful she looks today, how she does a great job, how much she’s appreciated for her community/volunteer efforts, or how much you enjoy her cooking/children/art can be enough to make someone’s day.

I’ll bet (if you really tried) you could think of *ten* wonderful things about each (yes, all of them!) of the people around you. It’s not so hard to think of one kind word, deed or thought (saying a prayer for someone counts) that you can do every day for those who make your world magical (and even those who may bring a bit of sourness to it).

So, mujer, will you choose to give out tricks or treats? Up to you…

Latina Leadership Lessons: Our Love Affair with the Paranormal

With the Halloween season in full gear, it’s no wonder that we see La Bruja almost everywhere, flying around on her broomstick, long black robes and hair trailing behind her. But La Bruja isn’t alone these days in her mischief. She’s accompanied by an endless number of vampires, werewolves, zombies, Transformers and Disney princesses. I don’t know which of those is the scariest.

On television, all those things that go bump in the night are available on a daily basis. Just flip through the channels for a serving of ghosts, vampires, alternate realities and assorted monsters. In movie theaters, Paranormal Activity is scaring audiences everywhere as it strives to become a cult hit.

So why is it that we are all so enamored of scary things? Why are paranormal books, movies and television such big business today?

Scientists and psychologists will likely tell you that the fright we get from such things produces a rush from the adrenaline rocketing through our bodies, much like the experience from a roller coaster ride. The rush is safe and easily repeated by just getting on the ride again.

But as a writer of the paranormal, I like to believe that it’s about much much more than that.

Think about those ghosts and spirits. Isn’t it a comfort to believe that there is a place to which we might pass when our mortal lives end and that despite death, we can somehow reach that place? That the death of those that we love doesn’t end our ability to connect with them? Isn’t it even scarier to imagine that something has gone wrong with that passing over and that an angry spirit is going to let us know they are unhappy?

As a paranormal writer, death and the dark side are things I play with in almost every story because they are universal fears. Regardless of religious beliefs, race or ethnic background, death and darkness play an important role in most cultures. Is it any wonder then that virtually every culture has some kind of version of an immortal creature that can survive death and thrives in the night, usually by gorging on the blood of others?

Bram Stoker’s Dracula is one of the more well-known novels about vampires, but I’m sure Bram Stoker couldn’t have imagined the industry he would spawn with the creation of his night-loving bloodsucker. Stoker also probably didn’t realize that the myth would become one associated with such sexiness. From the unrequited love angst of teen vampires to the more erotic writings in adult paranormals, vampires have become creatures that we love and who love us. Often. Sometimes in very unique and different ways.

Because readers love that difference, it is not uncommon to see Latinos and their myths in paranormals, including the Latino version of a vampire – the chupacabra – which has appeared in various books and television shows like The X-Files.

Unfortunately not as sexy as Dracula, the chupacabra myth is also not as long lived as other vampire legends. Monstropedia notes that the earliest stories regarding the red-eyed lizard/dog-like demon reputed to suck blood from goats began in the 1990s and incidents involving chupacabras were limited to attacks in Puerto Rico. In recent years, however, chupacabra sightings have occurred in South Texas. In 2007, the Associated Press reported on the apparent discovery of a weird dog-like creature thought to be the elusive chupacabra just outside of Austin.

So is it possible the chupacabra isn’t just a myth or urban legend?

What about another Latino demon – La Llorona?

There are many versions of La Llorona throughout the Americas with the same basic theme – a woman kills her children and then herself and is then doomed to spend eternity wandering the world weeping and searching for her children. Sometimes the myth includes the woman taking wandering children to replace those she had lost. According to the Handbook of Texas Online, La Llorona is probably the most well-known ghost in Texas and possibly associated with Cortez’s interpreter Malinche who some believe betrayed her native Mexico to the Conquistadors.

Have you ever heard La Llorona weeping in the night or seen something run into the underbrush that didn’t look quite like a dog? Have you experienced a paranormal event of your own or do you have some other Latino myths that you’d like to share with us?

Leave us your comments and we’ll pick one lucky winner to receive a copy of one of my earlier vampire novels - DEVOTION CALLS - which features my take on what happens when a chupacabra makes its lair in Spanish Harlem!