Invest In Yourself!

As we delve into the concept of learning, our money blogger Aurora Medina asks you to consider how much you spend toward the goal of true learning…

If you keep track of your monthly expenses and you separate those expenses into categories, I would love to know how much money you are allocating investing in yourself.

I am not talking about make up, hair or fashion. I am talking about investing in things that help you grow as a woman — retreats, workshops, classes, and conferences that help you open your mind and allow your spirit to shine.

We have the fortune to live in a country where we can enjoy prosperity and freedom. We are not in a third world country where survival issues are the undercurrent every day.

We are fortunate and blessed to be able to go higher in the hierarchy of needs designed by Maslow. Maslow’s is a theory in psychology depicted as a pyramid divided into five levels which depict the map for self-actualization.

Plenty of people out there refuse to pay a fair price for services that would help them to self-actualize, to be the best they can be. I see many women spending thousand of dollars in an outer image that portrays them as self-confident. I don’t think there is a problem with looking good on the outside, but we should put the same effort in looking and feeling good in the inside.

It pays to invest in yourself.  What can you do?  The journey is different for everybody.

Find a dream you left a long time ago, maybe learning how to paint, or a ceramics class. How about learning more about your unconscious mind or a drumming camp for women this summer? The sky is the limit!

Find something appealing for you and sign up. I guarantee you that you’ll increase your self-esteem and the money you use will be well invested.

Since I need to walk my talk I signed up for a week retreat next month with the Hoffman Institute. I am ready to move energy and make another wonderful transformation in my life.

Do You Value Yourself?

How many times do you think about your value? Maybe when you are in search of a mate, when you want to ask for a salary increase, or when you are getting a job offer.

There is no secret that women in general have a problem when it comes to valuing ourselves. The root of this is socialization, the way we were raised, and the way we perceive ourselves.

Another factor is our relationship with money. If we have a negative relationship with money, there is no doubt that our value, when it comes to charging for our services, will be low.

I went to a women’s conference and I chose to attend the seminar on negotiation. The statistics are astonishing about how much money women leave at the table when we have to negotiate.

The speaker, a woman professor from Stanford University showed us some numbers that clearly demonstrate that the lack of confidence in women in the area of negotiation is costing us. If we fail to negotiate in our first job, by age 60 that will cost us about $500,000, money that would be really helpful for retirement.

Many women are more concerned about being nice than asking for what they really want. The problem with this is that when we get less that what we want, but are afraid to ask, we encounter a feeling of resentment and then we are trapped. We start hating a job that could have been fulfilling.

This happened to me when I first came to the bay area. I wanted to get a job in my field and when they offered me a low salary I took it because I couldn’t see myself working in something else.

I accepted the job thinking that soon I could demonstrate my abilities and get a raise. That never happened, my resentment grew and I wasn’t happy anymore.

I was clueless about negotiating and when I read about it I felt I could not do that. It was not until I changed my relationship with money and I owned my talents, gifts and abilities that I was able to put a value on my services without feeling guilty.

I came to understand that being nice also includes standing on my own two feet and asking for what I really want.

If you don’t know anything about negotiation there are several books on the market for women. Buy one or go to the library and start your journey to further empower yourself.

Remember that others value us in the same way we value ourselves. Do not forget this also if you are in search of a partner. If you are the best, expect the best!

The Biggest Taboo

I bet you are thinking I am going to talk about sex… Not today!

Sex is not the biggest taboo in our culture – believe it or not, it is money. Are you surprised?  When was the last time you talked freely about money?

When I am getting ready to start a workshop I tell women to get together with someone they don’t know and have a conversation.  The rule for this conversation is that they can only talk about two topics: sex or money.

If you could see their eyes!  They go wide open and then…..they go mute. I know those two topics are hard to share with someone you don’t know. The point I want to stress is that when we talk about sex, at least we smile and giggle but with money, we all get really serious and tense.

Money is a serious topic, so serious we rarely talk about it and when we do it’s to say we don’t have it, or how hard it is to earn it, among other things. Financial education was not available to us and the internal personal aspects of money are never talked about.

If you want to bring the topic to a therapeutic setting you may not find resolution because the majority of people in this field have not dealt with the issue themselves and they have not been trained to help their clients in this realm.

How can we talk freely about money when we have a distorted perception of it?
We put very negative emotions into money, making it very difficult to talk about the subject with ease.

To talk about money in a healthy way we must transform our relationship with money by addressing issues like:

•    frustration for not manifesting the money we deserve, for being an underearner.
•    anxiety when dealing with money
•    guilt for overspending or hoarding it, and
•    clarity about whatever you are feeling around money.

My invitation to you is to consider starting a woman’s circle where you can share your experiences with money in a small group, and talk about it freely. One way to start such a circle is by organizing a book club that focuses on money.

I highly recommend Money, a memoir by Liz Perle.  This book will spark a discussion — start by talking about the author’s issues and at the same time it will give room for the women in the circle to start talking about their own issues. Once the circle gets closer the group can share their money auto-biography which contains powerful information about our beliefs about money.

Over the course of the upcoming year, I’ll share more ideas around money and how we can unpack some of our own issues around this “taboo” topic!