When A Boycott is Not Enough

By Sylvia “Silver” Trujillo

[Note from Aurelia:  If you haven’t yet heard about the Arizona law signed by the Governor last week, Google “Arizona immigration law sb1070” to find out about this new law that legitimizes racial profiling of Latinos.]

I am pretty confident all of you are angry, incredulous, and indignant about what is happening in Arizona.  I know I am.  I think this is where we must, we must, draw a line in the sand and say “you have gone too far, you will go no further, and by the way, you forfeit the privilege of representing us–you are done.”

I do not believe it is enough to go to immigration marches (which I did) or to boycott Arizona (I will).  There are progressives out there, like I, who I believe that we cannot stand idly by and allow this to go any further.  I for one refuse to take this lying down.

I will not be content with them simply repealing this bill and calling it even.  The damage has been done.  I left Arizona last week and my family and a friend discussed what was happening en route to the airport.  Our friend Blanca who helps us with our mom and who is a third generation Mexican American said, “I feel like a second class citizen.”  So do I.

This is not about a repealing a state holiday to celebrate the achievements of a civil rights icon–offensive and outrageous to be certain.  This is about whether you and I will have the same rights and privileges when we travel in Arizona or any other place to not be harassed or molested by the police and others.

Marches are not enough.  Boycotts are not enough.  We have a realistic shot at replacing John McCain in the next five months — with none other than a young, progressive, Democratic leader who is Mexican American.  I don’t simply want the law repealed, I want the leadership responsible for this unconstitutional, racist, anti-democratic bill repealed.

My grandfather, 93 years old, who came from Jaroso, Colorado died on Monday.  He was a true blue Democrat and someone who believed in democracy and standing up for our rights.

When he was born women did not have the right to vote and he had the privilege at 90 years of age to vote for then Senator Hillary Clinton for President in the primary election and Barack Obama for President.  It is people like him, our families, and us who can change the world.

My question for you:  Will you be satisfied if they repeal the bill?  Will that be enough?  Will it be enough to secure comprehensive immigration reform and still have John McCain and Jon Kyl in the U.S. Senate?  Will that be enough?

No.  I want more.  I want to send a message that is strong and powerful that Latinos in Arizona do not stand alone, but that when Arizona electeds passed that law they thought they were picking on poor, defenseless Latinos.  They were, in a word, wrong.

They forgot that civil rights leaders from the fifties, sixties, and seventies, gave birth and made possible a group of well-educated, talented, and civically engaged professionals and we need to wake up and roar.

I think it is time that we send them a message that it will be hard for them to forget and send a Mexican American to the U.S. Senate from Arizona.  That is what I want and I am asking you to help me do it.

This is how LULAC helped finance the landmark Hernandez case featured in the documentary, A Class Apart.  They asked people for $5 and $10.  I am asking you for more because you have more than those abuelos and abuelas who cobbled together enough money to strike at the heart of segregation and racist policies in Texas.

I am asking you to support Randy Parraz not simply because he has all the right progressive bona fides, he does.  But because we need a message delivered and Randy Parraz can carry that message for the majority of people who believe in the Constitution in Arizona and dispel for every young Mexican American walking down the street or in a classroom that they are second class citizens.

Randy Parraz graduated from Berkeley undergrad where he also earned his law degree.  He also recieved a masters in public administration from Harvard.  He went on to become a community and labor organizer.

***www.parrazforchange.com***

He organized community members in Maricopa County to challenge the practices of Sheriff Arapaio.  He has the support of the largest private sector union in the state, the United Food and Commerical Workers Union, and it is estimated he will need about 110,000 votes to win the primary.

(There are 400,000 registered Mexican Americans voters in Arizona and 200,000 more are eligible to register to vote.)

His fundraising target is $1.5 million.  This will be a grass roots effort.   I would ask you to go to his webpage and donate.  If it is $50 a month, he will take it — less than what you would pay for your morning breakfast/coffee in a month.

We can send a message to those reactionaries and we can show our children and our grandchildren that we are willing to act to protect our precious civil and human rights.

[Note from Aurelia:  If you are located in San Diego and would like to help me organizer a fundraiser to support Randy Parraz (and all Latinos in Arizona and across the nation – other states are considering a similar law!), please email me and let me know.  See below.]

Life Is Not Cured, It’s Managed

By Contributing Blogger Adrienne Terrazas Hull

[Note from Aurelia: As we work to Gather Support Around Us, we need to remember that our own attitude, as well as that of our "cheerleading team" can make a huge difference! Take a moment to reflect on these words of wisdom from our new contributing blogger!]

Those words, attributed to Dr. Phil McGraw, are becoming quite well known, and much appreciated.

As times get tougher, economically, emotionally, oftentimes spilling over into physically, people become much harder, not only on others, but especially on themselves.  Blaming themselves for things that, if they truly looked at them objectively, they have no control over.

More than once over the past few years I’ve been hit with a tri-fecta of tragedies.  In June of 2007, I separated from my husband, in October of that year I experienced a 100% loss of my personal possessions due to the Witch Creek fires and in November was fired from a job for the first time ever in my life because I was distracted at work and a couple of things “fell through the cracks”.

The way that I got past all of these things was to not even attempt to deal with all of them at once.  I took one bite out of the apple at a time.

A couple of months ago, once again a few things hit at once…I received word from my CPA that I owed an astronomical amount in taxes, I experienced an allergic reaction that caused my face to swell and turn red just before a “very important date” and I received word from my mother that she had received a distress call from my youngest sister in another state and then been cut off and had no way to contact her.

I went on the date, joked with the gentleman about the state of my face (which he very kindly refused to acknowledge) and  mentioned that I had had a difficult 24 hours due to all of the above.  He remarked that I seemed in very high spirits for someone who had all this on them.

I used the above phrase….life is not cured, it’s managed….and explained that, on Monday morning I would go to the dermatologist to get something to relieve the inflammation of my face, on Monday evening I would call the WalMart where I’d last known my little sister to be working nights, and on Tuesday I would talk to my CPA about what my choices were with regard to my IRS debt (which thankfully turned out to be an accounting error).

One bite at a time.

I’m happy to say, that all were resolved very quickly.  Due in huge part, I believe, to the fact that I refused to look at them as a mountain of issues, but instead a bunch of rocks.

These examples are set forth not to make me out to be some sort of hero, nor to indicate that my problems are huge…in comparison to so many people that I know, all of the above are miniscule.

They are set forth to show that if we can break it down, if we can compartmentalize and realize that, in reality, we can only deal with one thing at a time, we can feel the joy that exists between the issues, problems, sorrows…however we wish to term them…that all humans deal with.

I found the following list online regarding this subject and want to share it here.  Enjoy, and see which ones of them you are doing, and which ones you might need to work on.

Life is managed. It is not cured.

You, as your life manager, should be:

• keeping you safe from taking foolish risks

• putting you in situations where you can utilize all of your skills and abilities

• creating opportunities for you to get what you really want out of life

• taking care of your health & well-being, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually

• selecting and pursuing relationships in which you can be healthy and flourish

• requiring you to reach and stretch for those things that will keep you fresh, young and alive

• designing your day-to-day flow so that you enjoy some peace and tranquility

• arranging for some fun and recreation in your life

• structuring your world so that there is balance among those things you consider to be important

• accepting, acknowledging & applying to you personally the 10 life laws

• committing to resolve rather than endure your personal problems

• attempt to answer those ‘what if’ questions rather than leave them unanswered and let them gnaw at you

• refuse to live with unfinished emotional business

• identifying when you are hurting, angry, frustrated, or confused & call time out to deal with it.

• honor your agreements, whether they are with yourself or with others, especially your children and spouse.

Why It Can Be Difficult to Get Support Sometimes

From Recetas Para la Vida Contributing Bloggers -Iliana Berezovsky y Becky Krinsky

[Note from Aurelia:  All month we've been talking about how to get and keep support around you.  What can get in the way of that human support?  Sometimes we let our egos interfere.  See the following insights from our contributing bloggers, and make sure to go to their newly created fan page on Facebook and "Like" them to help them get started!  Click here to go to the Recetas Para la Vida Fan Page]

Recipe: “It’s easier to argue than to apologize”

Arguments lead to distance and cool all relationships.

How difficult it is for some people to ask for forgiveness when they make a mistake or even to recognize that they have caused pain without wanting to! Apologizing sincerely, however uncomfortable it may be, accepting the mistake made and repairing the caused damage leads to better relationships without so many complications, unnecessary arguments and vain excuses.

Most major conflicts are generated by a small incident that was not adequately resolved.

Several weeks ago there was a misunderstanding in Alegra’s family. Sandra, a distant cousin, accused Alegra’s son, Mateo, of having hit her son Nico. Mateo works as a leader of a group of kids that Nico participates in.

Sandra complained to the program director without first investigating what happened. If she had done so, she would have discovered that Nico had fabricated a story. Sandra’s hasty accusation harmed Mateo and made him feel very upset.

Alegra’s husband, got together with Sandra’s husband, and they cleared up what happened over a cup of coffee. Alegra’s husband commented that the right thing would have been to talk to Mateo and find out what happened, since the false accusation damaged his son’s reputation and created unnecessary complications that could have been avoided.

Sandra’s husband apologized for having caused problems for Mateo and explained that his wife is sometimes impulsive and allows herself to be easily influenced by negative comments or advice. He agreed to talk to Sandra and explain to her what had happened.

Sandra never got in touch with Alegra, but even so the matter had been cleared up, the families were at ease and, supposedly, there were no further misunderstandings.

A few weeks passed, and Alegra and Sandra ran into each other in the supermarket parking lot. They greeted each other in a friendly tone, and after chatting courteously, they got up to date on all the events of both families. A few minutes before saying goodbye, Alegra commented to her cousin that she wholeheartedly hoped not to have misunderstandings again and, if anything came up, to please talk to her directly and she would clear up the situation.

Without thinking, with rage and wild screams, Sandra said that she had every right to listen to and defend her son and had no reason to doubt him. She ended by saying that she did not want to have any more contact with Alegra or have anything to do with her again in the future. Alegra was dumbfounded, not understanding this reaction.

It would have been so easy to admit the mistake, simply apologize for what happened and end the day in peace….

“Each person can choose between taking responsibility for their actions or living in discord”

Recetas para la vida™ 
Apologizing for one’s mistake

Ingredients:
• 1 cup of acceptance
• 2 cubes of courage
• 3 cups of responsibility
• 2 tablespoons of repentance
• 1 bunch of sincerity
• 1 pinch of consideration

Seasonings:

Noble eye, kindness and attentiveness

Caution: An excuse is not an apology.

Method of preparation:

• A true apology shows great courage. It requires taking the first step, however painful and bothersome it may be, seasoning it with sensitivity and turning it into a humble yet grand act. Apologizing is not a weakness.

• Making a sincere apology without excuses is vital to giving good flavor. Taking responsibility for one’s own actions promotes genuine repentance, achieves a positive reconciliation and helps you cook with enjoyment and peace of mind.

• The injured person’s pain needs to be understood. Everyone has a different way of seeing things. It is important to respect the time that each person needs to be able to accept an apology, however well-intentioned it may be.

“Who is truly great? Someone who can accept his mistakes, take responsibility for his actions and manage to apologize wholeheartedly.”

Don’t forget, go to the facebook page now to become a fan of “Recipes for Life“!

Gathering Support Around You - Learning With Others

As many of you know, this year I’m a member of the class of 2010 for the National Hispana Leadership Institute’s Executive Leadership Program.  This past week was week 2 of the program, the week we spend at Harvard’s Kennedy School.

It was an amazing week, and highlighted the need for gathering support around you.  With 21 other incredible Latina women, we discussed issues of leadership, how women and men behave (and are perceived) differently as leaders and executives, and had an opportunity to present leadership challenges of our own in small groups and get the feedback of our hermanas.

Let me tell you — when you get a group of smart, driven, intelligent Latina women together, there’s no stopping us!

In these groups, it was a learning experience for each of us to share with others what is going on in our careers and our lives more generally, and receive the thoughtful support and advice of women who could see the situation from a more objective standpoint.

The NHLI program is an incredible one, and I highly recommend it to everyone.  At the same time, if you’re not currently in such a program, it is ALWAYS a good idea to gather around you a strong and wise circle of women to support you and to give you feedback when you need it.

Whether it is challenges from the outside, or personal growth issues on the inside, when you have support around you, you can do so much more…

Additionally, during this past week, we had the opportunity to practice our public speaking, work on our negotiation skills, and make action plans for how we will implement the ideas discussed.  Gathering support also means allowing those systems that you learn to really work for you in your life.

I know for me, having (and executing upon) a daily action plan can make a huge difference.

How are you gathering support around you?  Are you allowing systems and skills in your life to work to your best interest?  Are you leveraging the immense power, knowledge and resources of women around you who want to help you?

If so, keep it going, mujer!  If not, how can you change that today?

What Supporting Each Other REALLY Means…

From Contributing Blogger, Thelma Reyna, Ph.D.

Carol was 68 when she died in Duarte, California, a few weeks ago. Her body was riddled with cancer, and she was in a wheelchair. Her last years of life had been extraordinarily difficult.

Before the cancer, Carol’s activities had been circumscribed by other illnesses, including bronchial asthma. She had lived in poverty for most of her life as a single mother and had been cared for by an only son, a middle-aged, unmarried man with disabilities of his own.

The two of them lived in a modest home in a simple neighborhood, ate simple meals, hardly went out, and served as one another’s almost sole source of moral support and friendship. In the last weeks of her life, Carol was placed in a hospice home, accepting the fact that her cancer was beyond treatment, and she would die soon.

A Stalwart Spirit

But Carol was on a mission to help others, to support them as much as she could. Her poverty-stricken life had been lived thus, and such it was during her final days as well. In a wheelchair, Carol rolled down the hospice hallways, visiting fellow patients whom she felt were worse off than she.

No one can know how deep her own pain was, or how difficult it was to maintain a happy face, to laugh and joke with others as if she were not ill, were not dying. But whatever she knew of such sadness and pain did not escape her lips.

At her small, simple memorial service, we—those more fortunate materially in life than Carol had been—heard testimonial after testimonial about Carol’s supportiveness toward others.

We heard from the single mother whom Carol had taken into her home more than a decade ago, when this young, homeless Latina with a little son needed food and security. The meager resources Carol shared made all the difference in the survival of this woman, and eventually, as the years passed, of all five of her children.

We heard from the shy, disabled woman who needed to escape a violent, abusive marriage but had nowhere to go, and Carol took her in as her own daughter, for years giving her moral as well as material support and eventually helping her regain her self-respect.

We heard about when, as an invalid prior to her cancer diagnosis, Carol would entertain visitors to her small home with delightful anecdotes, laughing heartily and making each visitor feel special. When Carol had nothing to give but her attention and joyfulness, she gave freely of these.

We heard about when, prior to her becoming an invalid, Carol would assemble heartfelt “CARE packages”—little snacks, good used clothing, etc.—for homeless people she knew and delivered these personally.

Though Carol had little, she never forgot that there were many other people who had far less than she, and she brightened these people’s lives through her simple but authentic gestures.

What “Support” Truly Means

It’s easy to think of supportiveness toward others in large, dramatic terms, the most recent one being, of course, the global response to Haiti’s earthquake and its horrendous aftermath. Before that, it was Hurricane Katrina, then the tsunami that struck Indonesia, then the 9/11 attack, and so on.

Catastrophe after catastrophe has elicited human compassion and collaboration in massive outpourings of financial, rescue, and rebuilding resources.

It’s also easy to think of supportiveness in terms of donations, either of goods or money. Americans have historically been among the most giving, most generous of the world’s people. Many of us regularly donate to children’s hospitals, to Doctors Without Borders, and other worthy charities. It’s often ordinary people like us who comprise the backbone of such efforts.

But it’s sometimes hard for us to remember that supporting others, which ultimately involves giving to others—giving them our attention, advice, time, joy, love, trust, encouragement, and so on—is not necessarily monetary and is not limited to the privileged.

The beauty of altruism is that it’s something all of us can do…if we genuinely care about others. Those of us who experienced some level of poverty in our lifetimes know this instinctively, for we saw our financially-poor parents, grandparents, neighbors, and friends giving us intangibles that made all the difference in the world to our evolution of selves and spirit.

We’ve all heard the old cliché that sometimes the wealthy are “rich in funds but poor in spirit.” These unfortunate people’s “supportiveness” may be predicated too strongly on money and may be paltry in giving from the heart, rather than the pocketbook.

One of the things I loved about John F. Kennedy, Jr., was his firm belief that it was easy for rich people like him to “just write a check” for charity; however, showing up and spending time with those in need was harder, but more important. He did this so well!

“No Man Is an Island”: Still True!

All our lives, we’ve heard about the importance of others:  “No man is an island.”  “Man does not live by bread alone.”

The complexity of our society—from today’s difficult economic times, to our immense cultural diversity, to high-tech interconnectedness—makes these proverbs just as, if not more, pertinent than ever. Supporting one another—truly giving of ourselves and our humanity to others—is vital for our global well-being.

Past Support: Honoring Those Who’ve Supported Us Along Our Path

Many of you have probably already heard by now of the passing of Jaime Escalante (he died last Tuesday of cancer at the age of 79), the teacher who was celebrated in the film “Stand and Deliver.”

If you recall, this teacher was one who pushed his students to excel, encouraging them to do things that many others had told them were impossible, and supporting them incredibly (including defending the students’ honor when they were accused of cheating).

Mr. Escalante, and his personal story, as well as those of his students, have been in the media over the last week. This is a great time to honor not only this incredible teacher, but also the teachers in our own lives that have played supportive, encouraging and motivating roles. [And if you haven’t already seen the movie, “Stand and Deliver,” go rent it this weekend!]

Many times, our greatest supporters are our teachers. Teachers have such an influence in our lives and yet are not often venerated in a public forum. Teachers work hard, have to find different ways to teach each one of us (since we all learn differently), have to keep our attention, and then, on top of all that, have to grade papers, too!

Several of our Powerful Latina interviewees said that, after their parents, teachers had THE MOST important role in their lives. So it makes sense to honor our teachers, thank them, and also continually find teachers who can inspire us to learn new things!

In the case of Jaime Escalante, here was a teacher who had a profound effect on Latino students, and was honored by having a movie made of his contributions!

And yet… there are many teachers who do not have their lives made into movies. Thank you (!) to the Latino and non-Latino teachers who are our champions, our heroes, and our support.

Is a Budget Restricting?

by Contributing Blogger Aurora Medina M.A.

Many people equate the word budget with restriction. I find in my work as a money coach that many women refuse to do a budget for different reasons but the main one is that they feel that a budget is going to restrict them from getting the things they want.

These women change their attitude towards a budget when I tell them that it must include two lines, one that reads “Play Money”, and another one for “Savings.”

One of the definitions of budget is “a sum of money allocated for a particular purpose”. A budget does not have to be a tool to put restrictions on our spending. It is to get organized with our money. It is our measurement to help us see where our money is going, to have balance.

It is important that we understand that most of our spending is done in a very unconscious way. A budget helps us to set priorities on where do we want our money to go.

If we want to be successful with our money the first step is to sit down with a journal and write what is important to us in life, list of priorities. After we are clear about it, we can make a plan on how we are going to allocate our money to get those things.

If we continue to spend our money in things that bring us instant gratification we’ll never get the things that really matter to us.

Plan your expenses; it will give you peace of mind, another way to change your relationship with money.

[Note from Aurelia:  Sometimes "Gathering Support Around You" can mean putting the right *systems* in place, not just people.  In this note, Aurora continues to challenge us to think about our relationship with money and how we can use the system of a budget to support us.]

April Theme of the Month: Gather Support Around You

This month’s theme is Gather Support Around You.  For January, we focused on Knowing the Self.  February was about Finding and Following Our Passions.  March had the theme of Learning is Key.

For this month we will be exploring what it means to explore, create and build our alliances.  We all have networks of people who are connected to us.  How close are our alliances?  Are our alliances strong and secure, or weak and easily broken?

Gathering support has to do with our friends, our family, and our intimate partners.  Gathering support also means knowing who NOT to tell about your latest goal or dream if that person will dissuade or discourage you.

Knowing people well allows you to know who you want to have close to you, and perhaps who you need to distance yourself from.  Some “friends” will actually drain your energy and keep you from reaching your highest successes.  It is imperative to know who is truly on your side.

Yet other people in your life, however, are your “Loving Mirrors,” as my friend, Noah St. John, would say.  These are the people who see the best in you.  They believe in you, know your *potential* and reflect back to you the BEST you that you can be.

These are the people you want to cultivate, keep around you, and lean on when you need support and encouragement.  People are what will create your foundation!  Both those you lead, those you follow, and those in your circle are the stuff of which your LIFE is made…

Those closest to us determine not only who we are, but also what we are able to become!

We know that there are times for formal mentors.  Sometimes you might find yourself in a formal mentorship program.  However, at many other times, you’ll find yourself in informal mentorship settings.  We both play mentor and mentee at various times and figuring out who you admire and how to learn what they do is key to your growth.

And, of course, it is also important to remember that WE are also the foundation for others.  We are the “helping hand,” the shoulder to cry on, and the leader and role model for others in our circle.  It’s never too early to give back – someone always needs the knowledge and wisdom you can share.

All of these ideas, and more, will be explored during this month.  Here’s to the sisterhood (and larger familia) of support!

April 2010 Recommendations

A former Simon & Schuster editor, Marcela Landres is the author of the e-book How Editors Think and specializes in helping Latinos get published.

Check out her webpage at: www.marcelalandres.com.

	The Disappearance of Irene Dos Santos by Margaret Mascarenhas (Grand Central Publishing) A stunning debut in which pregnant Lily, confined to bed rest, is surrounded by loved ones who each tell a story to coax the baby out.
	The Sista Hood by E-Fierce (Atria) Written with the ear of today’s teen girl and the heart of a cool aunt, The Sista Hood chronicles four high school students who join forces to win a hip hop talent contest.