Featured Powerful Latina with Passion

Thelma Reyna, Ph.D., does a piece on a woman who has found her passion in improving education, first for her own child and now for all children in the Los Angeles schools. What can we learn from this woman’s work and her passion?

MATILDA VERA: “PARENT OF THE YEAR” WITH A PASSION FOR CHANGE

Starting when she was 14 years old, Matilda—or Mati, as she likes to be called— hung out with the wrong crowd. She was one of eight children, the youngest girl, born to parents in Guadalajara, Mexico. Her mother had no education beyond the second grade and became a single mom at an early age.

Mati came to the United States at the age of four and didn’t care much for school. In fact, she dropped out at the 11th grade and was soon on the path to nowhere.

“Up til about the age of 35,” says Mati, “I was attracted to men who were in jail, men who got in trouble. I had to live and learn. Then I had a son, who is now five years old.”

Starting a New Life

In fact, her son, Antonio, who was a “miracle baby,” is the major reason Mati turned her life around for the better. After surviving his mother’s high-risk pregnancy, the little boy became Mati’s reason for living. She was a school bus driver for Murchison Elementary School, when she enrolled her boy at the age of three years in the Headstart Program at the Boyle Heights State Street Pre-School. She began volunteering in the program to be near her son, and she got hooked.

“Despite my job as a bus driver, I volunteered more than 40 hours a week at my son’s school,” she says. “I realized how important parents are in their kids’ educational success.”

Recognition and Honors for Mati

Mati went to weekly parent meetings, discussed budgets, and participated in decision making. She quickly caught the attention of other parents and school leaders, who gave her more and more responsibility. In June 2009, Mati was named the “Parent Advocate of the Year” by the Los Angeles County Board of Education (LACOE). Then, on February 3, 2010, Mati was honored by the California Headstart Association as the statewide “Parent of the Year” at a special ceremony in Long Beach.

“It was a great honor to me to receive this award,” she says. “The conventions I had attended, the leadership training the program gave us, it all made me realize how much our children need us in their school lives.”

And Mati is now a spokesperson for this philosophy. In her acceptance speech in Sacramento, she told the audience: “In education, we [parents] are the minority. Are we going to kill our children’s dreams? Or will we walk with them side by side to make their dreams come true?”

Growing Responsibilities as a Leader and Parent Volunteer

So Mati is more involved as a parent volunteer than ever before. She has now been a school bus driver for 12 years. She is a volunteer at the Foundation for Early Childhood Education (ECE) at the Headstart agency in El Monte, as well as at her son’s school in Boyle Heights. In addition, she serves on the LACOE Policy Council in Santa Fe Springs. She was elected to this position by the Foundation for ECE.

Mati has also been president of PTA, has headed committees, and always seeks ways to involve PTA’s more in Headstart programs. At LACOE, she led the Education and Transition Committee, which collected and donated 500 books to start a lending library for parents.

Looking Ahead

As if she needs more obligations, Mati plans to apply this month for the Board of Directors of the El Monte Headstart agency. They oversee operations in 26 school sites in Southern California and have greater influence in policy decisions. If elected, her term would be ongoing. Also, Mati plans to help facilitate the Parent Involvement Academy, which gathers in March to celebrate their 14th anniversary.

With her strong passion for giving parents a voice in school matters, and for supporting her son’s educational career, Matilda Vera is an outstanding role model not just for parents, but for young women and Latinas all over America. May her success continue!

February 2010 Latina Flick Picks

Sister Outsider Entertainment’s Flick Pick
By Elisha Miranda & Sofia Quintero

SELENA

In her breakthrough role, Jennifer Lopez plays recording artist Selena Quintanilla-Perez in this 1997 biopic. Only two years earlier, the starlet had dominated the Latin pop music charts – the first woman to reign the male-dominated Tejano genre – and was poised for crossover stardom with her first English-language album.  Tragically, Selena was shot to death at the age of 23 but not without first touching millions of fans across the globe. Her brief but successful life is an example of the happiness one both can enjoy and bring to others simply by finding and pursuing one’s passions. Take out your media journal (and a fresh box of tissues), watch Selena and see what this amazing young woman can still teach us about living a life of full of passion.

1. Selena’s passion for music is not the only one in the film. What other passions does she have? How does she make her various passions converge?  If you have multiple passions, brainstorm ways that you might be able to combine them.

2. Sometimes it seems like certain passions are almost in our genes. Selena inherited her passion for music from her father Abraham, and yet she also she found ways to make her music distinctly her own. How did Selena accomplish this?  Do you share certain passions with members of your family?  In what ways, do you put your unique stamp on the family passions?

3. Sometimes others (like our parents) impose their passions on to us. We may share their interests yet know deep in our hearts that our passion lies elsewhere. Initially Abraham pushes his children to rehearse and perform, but Selena’s passion becomes authentically hers when she discovers the impact she has on an audience. How do you know that those imposed passions are not impositions at all? For example, do you have someone like Chris, who reminds you of how much something means to you in those moments when the sacrifices and expectations seem too much to bear? Make a list of people who can see your passions even when you doubt them. Check in with these folks if you ever need an objective but loving opinion as to whether something you’re doing or considering doing is truly your passion.

4. It can be argued that Selena’s true passion was touching people and that her talent for singing was how she chose to realize that passion. Make a list of the five things you love most to do. Do they have something in common? If so, perhaps that thing is your ultimate passion. Now think about those things that you’re not so crazy about but must do.  Are there ways that you can approach or execute those things so that they tap into your passion?

5. Selena describes how her passion feels in specific detail when she tells Chris, “… my dreams were the same as the dreams of all those people who were out there in the audience.  Like all their hopes were centered on me. And I just felt lucky.” Write about the moment when you realized an interest or hobby or cause became a passion.  What does it feel like? Where in your body does it live? Does it have a sound or color? The more familiar you are with what your passion feels like, the easier it will be for you to make choices that are aligned with it.

Be sure to follow Elisha, Sofia and Sister Outsider on Twitter at @elishamiranda, @sofiaquintero and @sisteroutsider. We are also on Facebook.  Drop us a note to let us know you learned about us from Power Latinas. 

Keep Your Passion in Your Sights

We’re getting to know ourselves very well, and figuring out what moves us, motivates us and allows us to unleash our passion. This can be fun and exciting, and at times it can also feel like a lot of work!

How do we stay focused, motivated, and relaxed throughout it all?

Whenever we’re doing hard physical, mental or emotional work we need time to recharge, refresh and relax. And it may take time to figure out what is really going to give us energy and not drain us more.

I’ll give you some examples from my own life, as well as things that our Powerful Latina interviewees have suggested. One of my ways to “relax” is watching movies.

Sometimes this can be refreshing and energizing, and at other times the mood created by the movie throws me off my game. The trick is to find activities or actions that fill up the part of your tank you need to refill…

Another example is hanging out with friends. I love spending time with my girls, and yet at times, I just want to sit in the silence and meditate. What it takes to refresh you can vary depending on what is tiring you out, and what you need at the moment.

Sometimes a night out with my girlfriends fits the bill perfectly, and sometimes I need to simply be alone.

Powerful Latina interviewee Maria Rita Jaramillo, Senior Liaison, Community Outreach, Office of Governance and Policy, for the National Education Association (NEA), said she keeps an “atta-girl” scrapbook. So when she needs some motivation or inspiration she looks back at this scrapbook of nice notes she’s been sent, pictures that make her happy, or copies of awards she’s been given. What do YOU have in your house that you could compile to bring you joy and renewal when you need it? Put it in a scrapbook, or compile it in a drawer or shoe box. I have letters my son has written me over the years that never fail to touch me and make me cry (with tears of joy!).

Other interviewees spoke of taking time out to exercise, listen to music, get feedback from friends, or learn a new skill. Find whatever it is that *you* need at various times and then keep that list with you. I also, for example, have put together a CD of positive songs that I can listen to if I need some motivation or inspiration or simply a reminder of why my passion is so important.

Once we’re renewed, we can come back to our passions with vigor! It’s crucial to keep ourselves focused on the truly important things. For me, at least, it can be so easy to slip into the everyday and “forget” to self-reflect, to stay focused on my passions, and to use the tools I have at my disposal to have the best life ever.

In order to keep this focus, each of us needs to find what works for us — what activities, items, and practices can you put in place in your life — to make sure you can also stay focused on what’s important to you!

[If you haven't yet read Friday's article on passions we find outside of our careers, this is another idea of ways we can renew and refresh. Take a look at it here...]

Finding Your Passion (outside of your career)

We’ve been talking all month about the idea of “Finding Your Passion.”

And while I agree that you want to spend the majority of your time doing something that moves you, engages you, and is using your talents to their fullest purpose… Sometimes, it’s all about FUN!

Do you remember what you used to do as a little girl? For me, I loved to run down to the park (half a block away) and sit under the trees, swing in a swing or just “run around.” I loved to be active, connect with nature, and pretend.

I also loved to *dance*! Dancing, for me, has been a lifelong passion. I used to think it was what I wanted to do as a career.

However, I’ve been blessed to find out that it does not have to be my job, and I can still get an immense amount of enjoyment out of dancing.

I have taken dance classes, participated in dance concerts, gone out salsa dancing, and lately, even taken part in competitive ballroom dancing.

It’s clear to me that dancing is a part of my “ser” — a part of my being, and who I am.

And yet… I can get the needs I have met by just making sure I get out and move my bootie every once in a while. :) I have a dance “studio” set up in my garage, and I can dance there if nothing else. I can practice my arm placement, stretch my legs, and do spins, even if I’m all by myself.

What is that thing that moves you? Is it singing, writing, speaking with others, hiking, pretending or doing crafts? Is it traveling, learning new languages, reading a book of poetry, playing with your dog, drawing a picture, or teaching yoga?

Whatever it is that you love — make sure that you do it with some frequency! We often forget that what motivates us, and keeps us refreshed and resilient is simply listening to our spirit. And our spirit is very clear about what it needs and what it wants — because it’s what we love to do…

Finding your passion doesn’t have to be difficult or a long process.

It can be as simple as cooking a good meal for those you love, watching a funny movie, or spending some time shopping with a good girlfriend.

We all have things we want to do in our careers and professional lives, and at the same time, let’s not forget about what we do for pure pleasure.

Take some time to enjoy, mujer, and do that for you — and for those around you.

Wouldn’t we all be better off if we made sure that we fed our souls on at least a weekly basis? Find your passions, and go for it!

As Latinas, we tend to be so creative, so active, so talented — let’s get out there and show ‘em what we’re made of!!!

LIVING OUR LIVES WITH PASSION: PURSUING OUR DREAMS ENTHUSIASTICALLY

Thanks to commercialized media, the word “passion” has sometimes taken on narrow definitions with connotations that are not always appropriate in polite company, or—thanks to Mel Gibson’s movie, “The Passion of Christ”—evoke intense religious emotions.

One of my favorite meanings of the word is “boundless enthusiasm,” the third most frequently used sense of the term, according to Webster.  Enthusiasm is vibrant, contagious, practical, influential, idealistic, enhancing the lives and persons of a spectrum of people, from rich and famous, to ordinary or obscure.

Enthusiasm resides, or can reside, in each of us…and it can make an immense difference in the quality of our lives.

Who Has “Passion”?

It’s all around us, in places you’d least expect to see “boundless enthusiasm.” But when you see it—especially when you see it in persons whose lives are challenging, persons who struggle each day to make a living, persons who might feel sometimes that life is unfair—enthusiasm is especially remarkable.

The Jennifer Lopez’s and Mariah Carey’s of the world are admirable for their enthusiasm and passion for their work (and may this passion continue unabated!), but passion may require a bit more commitment when it’s rooted in the stony soil of hardship.

Latina Pioneer with Passion to Spare!

A historic example of a famous Latina living with passion is Eulalia Perez de Guillen de Mariné, who flourished in the late 1800’s and was one of the most famous Southern California pioneers and one of the few influential non-aristocratic women of her time.

Her story and photo are included in a local author’s, Roberta Martinez, engrossing book titled Latinos in Pasadena (my hometown).

According to Roberta, Eulalia was born in Mexico, came to San Diego as a soldier’s wife, gave birth to 12 children, was an accomplished dancer, was “literate, was a midwife, and was devoted to church and family.”

As a widow, she carried on her life of service and was entrusted as the “keeper of keys” at the San Gabriel Mission, where—“capable, clever, and disciplined”—she basically ran the mission, overseeing all matters not handled by the priests or the military.

As a testament to her passion for accomplishments and service to others, she was given 14,000 acres of “desecularized” mission land, called Rancho San Pascual, on which now sit the beautiful cities of Pasadena, Sierra Madre, South Pasadena, San Marino, and LaCanada, all in Los Angeles County.

A Mexican immigrant who helped carve our California history! That was Eulalia, a woman few people have even heard of but who touched the lives of many.

How Do We  Show Passion for Living?

When you’re engaged in activities that fill you with joy, peace, love, satisfaction, pride, or any other heart-stirring emotion, you’re probably doing those activities with passion. It can be:

• a quiet passion, such as that of Mother Theresa in ministering to the poor, starving lepers of India.

• a stirring passion, such as that of Frida Kahlo, the colorful Mexican artist.

• a life-endangering passion, such as that of race-car driver Danika Patrick.

Or it can be something in between: not in the public spotlight, not bringing us fame, Nobel Prizes, trophies, or fortunes.

The fortunes are the inner rewards we feel in doing our work with enthusiasm, knowing that, undoubtedly, somebody will benefit from our labors.

• Noemi, a young public school math teacher, is devoted to her high-risk teens, pushing them to be successful, serving on committees to improve education for disadvantaged kids. She has three young children of her own and has just earned a Master’s degree studying part-time. This Latina has passion!

• Maria, a volunteer community activist in her 60’s, serves on two city commissions, a number of nonprofit organization boards, and speaks out in her soft, calm voice against discrimination of any type. She advocates for youth of all colors and is not afraid to ruffle feathers by doing so. This Latina has passion!

• Cristina, a native of Mexico who married an American Latino 20 years ago, didn’t speak English and had never lived in the U.S. She now lives in Texas, is fully literate in English, earned a degree in Culinary Arts, freelances by making the most gorgeous, creative cakes and shrimp paellas, and runs an occasional excursion business, taking her American friends in chartered buses to charming towns in Mexico and feeding them gourmet sandwiches along the way. This Latina has passion!

Live Your Life with Passion!

Go ahead. Find what you love, what makes you feel complete and energized.

• Is it volunteering and helping others?
• Do you need to go back to school to brush up on skills, or learn new ones?
• Do you need to marshal your friends or family around you?
• Can you do this labor of love from home, as things are now; or do you need to find other ways, other places to do it?

Whatever you need to do, start doing it as soon as you can.

When we live life with passion, it’s a happier life, not only for us, but for those who benefit from our passion. Since we all know life is too short… get going!

Can This Be Love?

Both perpetrators and victims often justify domestic violence in the name of love.

This is the month of Valentine’s Day, when we celebrate love and romance—and when our expectations of love can sometimes leave us gravely disappointed.

There are those who may be suffering because they’re not in a relationship and wish that they were; there are others who suffer because their relationship is not at all what they expected or wished for.

And then there are those whose toxic relationships only bring pain.

When we enter into a serious relationship with someone, none of us expects to be treated badly. We are attracted to the positive qualities in a potential partner, we feel passionately towards them, we often ignore or fail to see any negative attributes, and we fall in love. But there is something else that influences our attraction to a prospective mate: our need to love and be loved.

Each of us longs for a special closeness to one other person. We may be pulled into a relationship by an intense physical attraction, but we also want to be intimately connected to someone who shares our values, who understands us, who treats us with kindness, and who will offer compassion and emotional support.

And don’t we also want someone with whom we can share our dreams for the future, someone we think of as our closest friend? Perhaps these are the things you wanted when you initially got together with your boyfriend or husband.

But is the close connection that you wanted still possible if your partner abuses you? If he verbally, emotionally, or physically hurts you, can you still hope to have a good relationship? For many, this question is not so easy to answer.

I think it may be helpful if you can imagine yourself stirring a pot in your kitchen. Into this pot, you have put all the positive qualities your partner possesses, or once possessed. Perhaps generosity, passion, and a great sense of humor are his positive traits. Maybe it is the way he used to make you feel when you first got together: loved, valued, respected. Now, add into the pot the way he treats you when he gets angry: the violent threats, the disrespectful name-calling and abusive language, the slaps or punches.

Stirring those things into the pot is like stirring poison into an appetizing meal. Even if the ingredients are healthy and delicious to begin with, once the poison has been added, the meal cannot be eaten. The poison—the abuse, the violence, and the hurt—has spoiled everything else in the pot. If you partake of what is now in the pot, it will harm you.

Learning to turn away from an abusive relationship is not always easy. Many survivors of domestic violence have told me that one of the most difficult obstacles to leaving an abusive relationship is confusion over what constitutes abusive behavior.

They say that while it should be simple to tell when you’re being abused, sometimes it’s not. If someone hits you, that’s interpreted by most people as abusive. But what about the love between you and your partner, which you may feel is still there? The shared history, which makes it hard to imagine a future without this person? Or the promises he makes to change his behavior? How do you weigh such factors that seem to modify or cancel out a partner’s violent episodes?

An abusive partner may promise to change or give you reasons to justify the violent or intimidating behavior, and at times those promises and reasons may seem to make sense. Which is why you may need a strong support system, including a counselor who specializes in domestic abuse, to help you draw the line between acceptable and abusive behavior—and to help you make decisions about how to live an abuse-free life.

Domestic abuse can never be part of a good relationship. When fear, intimidation, and cruelty are present in a relationship, can you really call that love?

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Note from Aurelia:  In this month when we get caught up in the “mood,” it is important to recognize that sometimes we can become blind to what’s going on around us.  Let’s work together to support our Latina sisters so that we can all have healthy relationships!

Reny Ryan talks to Powerful Latinas about Brazilian Waxing!

Have you ever been curious about this waxing style, its origins, and what actually happens in the waxing studio?

Reny Ryan, a powerful Latina from Brazil, discusses her book, Confessions of a Brazilian Bikini Waxer, in today’s podcast.  Click below to listen to this short recording (less than 10 minutes), in which Reny shares a couple of her favorite stories, how the book came about, and gives advice to those who might be looking to explore this popular waxing style!

Reny left Brazil and an abusive marriage and with her little son and arrived in the U.S. 25 years ago. As a single mother she struggled to succeed in her new adopted country and today she is a self-made business woman.

She lives in Pleasant Hill, CA, where she owns her waxing studio where she waxes, as she would say, over 1,500 “hairy creatures” a year. She is now happily married and has 4 sons.

You can purchase Confessions of a Brazilian Bikini Waxer on Amazon, and learn more about Reny at her website, www.waxconfessions.com. The book is inspiring and is drawing more adventurous people to this now popular waxing style.

The podcast gives a short introduction to the book, and you will want to hear some of the stories Reny shares – don’t miss it!

Click here to listen…

Find Your Passion!

This month we’re exploring what YOUR passion is.  Are you following your passions?  Do you know what they are?  Are you focused on what moves you, motivates you, and uses your talents to their greatest advantage?

And is this true for ALL areas of your life?

I’m in the middle of reading The Passion Test by Janet Bray Atwood and Chris Atwood, and I would highly recommend it.  They suggest writing a list of the most important things you can think of that would give you a life of joy, passion and fulfillment.  This is *not* a list of goals.

Rather, the list is of things you would do, be and have in your life and are VERBS — action words — that describe your ideal life.  Of course, this is a list they recommend re-creating every 6 months, as our lives evolve and change over time.

They suggest then ranking the list and keeping the top five items on your list present and with you all the time.

How many people in your life are around you constantly supporting you, urging you, and assisting you toward living the most passion-filled life ever?  What can you do to make sure that you are living each day energized and excited about what you are doing, creating and offering into the world?

If you live your passion, I’d love to hear your story.  If you’re looking for your passion, what tools do you use to help you on this journey?

I have been blessed to interview women who have found their passion and live their passion, and it shows!  Sometimes these women found their passion early in life; for others, it took more time.  But whatever the timeline, these women keep striving forward, looking to make every moment count.

There is so much out there and so many gifts that are unique to YOU.  What is your message, your dreams, your reason to be?  Talk about these ideas with your family and friends and get the people around you to work with you towards living the best life that you can.

Your message, your works, your joy and your PASSION is urgently needed by the world.  Go get ‘em, mujer!

Tie Me Up. Tie Me Down this Valentine’s Day! Find Your Passion & Release the Dominatrix

A spicy dinner, red balloons, roses, sexy music and chocolate-covered strawberries, love is definitely in air. February is the month where the cherubic winged-little person works overtime… and so do the chocolate factories.

The day is February 14 (or Dia de los Novios) and on this day Latinos are expressing their love for each other. It is also a time when many couples will try something new in the bedroom, indulging in some type of fantasy.

Many people, including Latinos, have fantasies involving role-playing, fetishes and bondage. Growing up in Hispanic, our culture has traditional roles of men being dominant and women being submissive. Why not pull a switch-a-roo and have the ladies be dominant.

BDSM (Bondage. Discipline. Sadism. Masochism) is a form of consensual role play between two or more individuals, who use their experiences of pain and power to create sexual tension, pleasure, and release.  It’s a great way to build a strong sexual foundation and a interpersonal relationship between you and your Latin lover.

As the song by the Divinyl’s goes,”It’s a fine line between pleasure and pain…you’ve done it once, you will do it again…”

An important thing to remember is that BDSM is NOT a crime. The fundamental principles of this practice require that it be performed by mature and responsible partners, of their own volition, and in a safe way.

This mutual consent makes a clear legal and ethical distinction between BDSM and crimes such as sexual assault or domestic violence.

Plus, it is always possible for one of the consenting partners to withdraw his or her consent at any time by using a “safe word” that was agreed upon in advance.

With that said, there are many ways Latinas can participate in safe, fun and very erotic BDSM adventures. You may remember the boy in the corner who purposely forgets his homework simply so the teacher will teach him a lesson, and remember that bossy girl who makes fun of the weak kids. These folks could easily grow into the kinkiest and erotically in-tune adults, and maybe one day find each other.

Once you figure out the roles, start small. Maybe one of you has some specific requests, a foot fetish or blindfolds perhaps? Someone with a foot fetish would prefer sexy shoes or boots, or someone who likes to be blindfolded may require a selection of soft eye covers.

Want to try some bondage? Then get some sexy restraints. You can get wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs that can be used to hold your partner to a chair, post, the bed etc. You can also try some silky bondage rope. Get a book on different rope tying techniques and then practice tying each other up and having your way with them.

Role-playing is another way to explore your BDSM side. Be the sexy Catholic school girl, the naughty nurse or sassy secretary and let your “Don Juan” transform into the horny fireman or police officer. The sailor and the prostitute is also a great role-playing fantasy.

Keep trying new things and explore each other and remember – have fun! Feliz Dia de los Novios.

Do You Value Yourself?

How many times do you think about your value? Maybe when you are in search of a mate, when you want to ask for a salary increase, or when you are getting a job offer.

There is no secret that women in general have a problem when it comes to valuing ourselves. The root of this is socialization, the way we were raised, and the way we perceive ourselves.

Another factor is our relationship with money. If we have a negative relationship with money, there is no doubt that our value, when it comes to charging for our services, will be low.

I went to a women’s conference and I chose to attend the seminar on negotiation. The statistics are astonishing about how much money women leave at the table when we have to negotiate.

The speaker, a woman professor from Stanford University showed us some numbers that clearly demonstrate that the lack of confidence in women in the area of negotiation is costing us. If we fail to negotiate in our first job, by age 60 that will cost us about $500,000, money that would be really helpful for retirement.

Many women are more concerned about being nice than asking for what they really want. The problem with this is that when we get less that what we want, but are afraid to ask, we encounter a feeling of resentment and then we are trapped. We start hating a job that could have been fulfilling.

This happened to me when I first came to the bay area. I wanted to get a job in my field and when they offered me a low salary I took it because I couldn’t see myself working in something else.

I accepted the job thinking that soon I could demonstrate my abilities and get a raise. That never happened, my resentment grew and I wasn’t happy anymore.

I was clueless about negotiating and when I read about it I felt I could not do that. It was not until I changed my relationship with money and I owned my talents, gifts and abilities that I was able to put a value on my services without feeling guilty.

I came to understand that being nice also includes standing on my own two feet and asking for what I really want.

If you don’t know anything about negotiation there are several books on the market for women. Buy one or go to the library and start your journey to further empower yourself.

Remember that others value us in the same way we value ourselves. Do not forget this also if you are in search of a partner. If you are the best, expect the best!

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